There’s no crying over coffee

TheLittlePrince got so excited over ramen noodles the other night that he knocked over my coffee.

I know what you’re thinking. What kind of sad child gets excited over ramen noodles?

And the answer to that is mine.

So, he knocks over my coffee, looks at me soberly, and whispers, “Daddy… He’ll be mad.”

I start wiping up the already cooled liquid. “Nah,” I reassure him, “’cause I’m cleaning it up.”

TheLittlePrince takes that in then whispers, “He’ll cry.”

There’s no crying over spilled milk coffee.

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Creepy Dolls. Nope.

I am so afraid…

…of spiders…

…and dolls…

…and scary movies.

You can imagine my horror when TheWiseOne had a Halloween party and several boys spent the night. No, that is not the horrible part. The horrible part came when they snuggled up on the couch with their pillows and blankets, turned off the lights, and asked to watch Goosebumps. 

Remember how I hate scary movies? Yeah. I was all like, “Okay. Cool. Peace out! I’ll be hiding in the bedroom watching Carebears if you need me!”

*sigh* I am a sad, sad person.

Over the weekend, TheWiseOne one-up’d me. He asked to watch an episode of The Haunting Hour about a doll… that comes to life. And I guess there’s a scene in that episode where the characters begin to get suspicious that there’s more to the doll than meets the eye. So, they set up the video camera, and while they’re watching, the doll moves. Like, walks off camera…

Then reappears right in front of the camera, like this:

After this lovely bit of information, I’m just like, “Nope.”

Carebears it is then.

Nerf Herders

There’s an unspoken gift war raging between my husband and his brothers.

TheBaldEagle and his two brothers take turns trying to find the most obnoxious toys to get each other’s kids for their birthdays. This year, TheWiseOne was the recipient of a Nerf gun. (Well, to be fair, I’m a horrible parent and don’t remember if one of his uncles got it for him or a friend. No matter.)

Anyway, the thoughtful gift giver made sure to buy extra ammo… much to TheBaldEagle’s delight. You see, husbands are really just kids who wear bigger underwear and are allowed to drive cars.

And so, as I was cooking supper, I overheard this conversation:

TheBaldEagle: “Put the apple on your head, LittlePrince. Now stand still…”
TheLittlePrince: “No!”
TheBaldEagle: “Put the apple on your head. I’m not going to shoot you. I just want to shoot the apple off your head!”

Next thing I know, I have a hysterical toddler clinging to my legs and screaming, “Mommy, don’t let him kill me!”

Now, I hardly think a Nerf gun shot is fatal, but TheWiseOne found out that it hurts when someone aims it at your behind.

TheBaldEagle at least had enough sense to look sheepish.

Poke-Blog with TheWiseOne: Gotta Read Them All! 2

Hello. TheWiseOne here. Today on Poke-Blog, we are going to talk about Pikachu!

I have no idea why people love Pikachu so much! I mean, everybody probably loves Pikachu because it was in the anime! Well back to the usual. Pikachu is an electric type and was once a starter. His ability is static which can make the opponent paralyzed if the opponent hits Pikachu. There you have it. Please post in the comments if you have a Pikachu.

Peeka-fail

The other day I had K-girl sitting on the bed while I changed clothes. She sat there happily bouncing on my pillows and looking out the window. When I was done, I tossed my robe over her head for a quick game of peekaboo, but heard a funny “clunk”.

I yanked the fuzzy robe off, grinned, and cried, “Peekaboo!” But I was not greeted by K-girl’s usual delighted, two-tooth grin. Instead, I saw a rather puzzled expression that morphed into a pathetic boo boo face with a bottom lip that practically sagged to the floor.

It was only then that I realized I had left my cell phone in the pocket of my robe.

Peeka-fail.

The House of Scare

TheBaldEagle is my husband, but at times seems more like my biggest kid.

He found a sizable, rubber spider. By “sizable”, I mean small enough to look realistic, but large enough to freak-you-the-heck-out. And it’s just rubbery enough to bounce in a rather realistic motion… which makes me kinda want to vomit and run from the room shrieking (not necessarily in that order).

Upon making his terror-rific discovery, what does he do? Let’s take a guess! Does he…

A) …throw the spider away. Ew!

B) …put the spider back in the toy drawer where it belongs.

C) …use this freaky piece of rubber to scare his children and traumatize them for the rest of their lives leading to years of therapy.

If you picked C, then you apparently already knew my husband is a jerk! 

So, while my TheBaldEagle was gleefully planning to terrorize the children and practicing his maniacal laugh, TheLittlePrince had decided to climb into his sister’s exersaucer and had gotten stuck–which he didn’t mind until…

TheBaldEagle entered the room with a mischievous smirk and his hands cupped together like he was hiding something. “Look what I caught,” he teased. Instantaneously, all three boys were captivated.

Slowly, he opened his hands just enough for them to see the creature inside. Their eyes widened.

And being the loving mother that I am, I warned them, “Be careful! It’s jumps!”

TheBaldEagle flung the spider on TheLittlePrince who–by now–was awstruck, somewhat terrified, and stuck in his sister’s exersaucer.

It should surprise no one that he went from somewhat terrified to full-blown banshee shrieking and Irish step-dancing.

Finally, TheBaldEagle felt sorry for him and let him out. Then came the fun of calming him down and showing him it wasn’t real. After touching it, TheLittlePrince decided that it was actually a neat little toy…

…and promptly threw it on his brothers. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

TL;DR: Husband is a jerk. Children starting therapy next week. Created a monster. 

Shopping with kids: Like a boss

Going shopping with four kids is always… something. From nonstop talking to touching everything, there’s always something to get onto the kids for. Occasionally they hold the door open for someone, but more often than not, they just let if slam shut on the person behind them.

Such gentlemen.

Today I ventured to take the kids to Joann’s Fabrics. All four of them. By myself.

And I totally nailed it like a boss. Awwww yeah!

While we were there, I caught this snippet of conversation between the oldest boys:
TheWiseOne: “Hey, look! There’s a Frozen poster! It’s about $6.”
Z-boy: “That’s highway robbery!”

The rest of the trip went well. We were able to shop at several stores with less than five meltdowns. K-girl only tossed her shoes off a few times, and we were fortunate enough to find them every time! Best of all, no one crapped their pants! (Although there was plenty of gas.)

Driving home was fun, as usual:
TheWiseOne: “Blah blah blah Pokemon. Blah blah blah Pokemon. Blah blah fire-type Pokemon blah blah blah.”
TheLittlePrince: (calling out the colors of the trees) “Yellow yellow yellow yellow yellow yellow yellow…”
TheWiseOne: “Blah blah Pokemon blah blah blah level blah.”
TheLittlePrince: “Yellow yellow yellow yellow yellow yellow yellow yellow…”
TheWiseOne: “Pokemon blah blah blah, right Z-boy? Blah blah Pokemon blah blah.”
TheLittlePrince: “Yellow yellow yellow yellow yellow yellow…”
Me: (accidentally takes a turn too fast)
TheWiseOne and TheLittlePrince; (in unison) “Woah!”
SILENCE.

Like I said, “Like a boss.”

NaNoWriMo!!!

I was not home today.

I’m sure there was hilarity and chaos (maybe not in that order), but I was not there to witness it; therefore, I cannot blog about it.

At this point you’re probably thinking, “Then why on Earth am I reading?” And to that I would say…

NANOWRIMO!!!

For those who don’t know, NaNoWriMo = National Novel Writing Month. See their website here.

During NaNoWriMo (in November), you’re supposed to write a whole novel in a month. That’s 50,000 words in 30 days. Yes, you read that correctly.

I attempt this daunting feat every year. And every year, I end up like this:

But it’s the effort that counts. It’s just for fun, and it’s not like I’m about to write the next great American novel. I’m a lot more likely to turn out something more like Twilight. Because I’m a 15-year-old girl at heart. And I still like to watch Disney.

I’m so ashamed.

I was going to share an excerpt with you of one of my previous novels, but as I went back to reread it, I discovered it sucks. Like really bad. Like I’m going to bury it in the backyard now.

But still, you all should join the NaNoWriMo fun! Because we’re pursuing our dreams of bad novels! Yay! Find me there!

Poke-blog with TheWiseOne: Gotta Read ‘Em All!

Hello. TheWiseOne here.Today on Poke-blog, we will talk about the Pokemon typhlosion!

Red Thyphlosion is shiny

It is my favorite Pokemon.Its’ evolution line begins at the Pokemon cyndaquil.Its’ middle evolution is quilava. It is a fire type. It can learn a certain move that no other Pokemon can learn. It’s called blast burn. Thyphlosion’s first evolution is a starter Pokemon. I have a Thyphlosion. It is a level 60. It loves me. Post in the comments if you have a Thyphlosion.

Corn Maze Haze

It was a good day…

…so far.

TheBaldEagle and I decided to treat the kids to a day out to a day at Lark Ranch for “the ultimate Fall experience”. Or so they claim.

Actually, we LOVE Lark Ranch! We go every year. There’s a ton of free things to do there including a corn maze, hayrides, a giant bouncy pillow, a petting zoo, playhouses, etc.

Gosh, it makes me tired just typing it.

There’s something to be said regarding the excitement you feel when you go somewhere fun. I think they should have before and after pictures, too. Kind of like the pictures they take when you’re on a roller coaster, only these would be as you enter the park and as you’re leaving.

Our before picture would’ve looked like this: all six of us smiling, children skipping, hubs and me snapping pictures of the kids together, and all of us CLEAN.

The after picture would’ve looked like this: Hubs and me dragging kicking and crying kids out, Z-boy complaining that he’s thirsty, K-girl crying and tearing her socks off, TheLittlePrince whining and coated with mud, and me with toddler-sized muddy handprints on my skirt.

Apparently rain + dirt + corn maze = bad idea. 

The corn maze is a bit of a blur now, but I distinctly remember us walking in a line when it happened. The two oldest boys were in the lead with TheBaldEagle–carrying K-girl– as I trailed behind with TheLittlePrince whose little legs couldn’t quite keep pace.

Suddenly, TheBaldEagle turned around and called, “Watch out for the mud!” And sure enough, there it was–a nice big, slimy patch of mud just waiting to claim its next victim.

TheLittlePrince started skipping along as if his dad’s warning had instead been an invitation to run with scissors. The next thing I knew, I had a hysterical toddler with mud up to his knees and hands caked with mud.

And the first thing he does is look at his hands dripping mud and starts freaking out–refusing to move until they’re clean.

Because boys–especially toddlers–prefer cleanliness at all times…??? Really, LittlePrince? Really?

After failed attempts to console him, I did what any desperate mother who wants to get out of a corn maze would do. I let him use my skirt as a napkin.

TheBaldEagle turned around in time to see TheLittlePrince gleefully smearing mud on my once clean clothes…

…and me just standing there. Taking it. Like a good mommy. Who has had enough.

Despite this incident, the rest of the afternoon went well… with the exception of the part when I thought TheLittlePrince might have broken his leg from jumping off a ladder (because he didn’t realize the laws of gravity pertained to him as well), but he didn’t. So all is well. 🙂