The House of Scare

TheBaldEagle is my husband, but at times seems more like my biggest kid.

He found a sizable, rubber spider. By “sizable”, I mean small enough to look realistic, but large enough to freak-you-the-heck-out. And it’s just rubbery enough to bounce in a rather realistic motion… which makes me kinda want to vomit and run from the room shrieking (not necessarily in that order).

Upon making his terror-rific discovery, what does he do? Let’s take a guess! Does he…

A) …throw the spider away. Ew!

B) …put the spider back in the toy drawer where it belongs.

C) …use this freaky piece of rubber to scare his children and traumatize them for the rest of their lives leading to years of therapy.

If you picked C, then you apparently already knew my husband is a jerk! 

So, while my TheBaldEagle was gleefully planning to terrorize the children and practicing his maniacal laugh, TheLittlePrince had decided to climb into his sister’s exersaucer and had gotten stuck–which he didn’t mind until…

TheBaldEagle entered the room with a mischievous smirk and his hands cupped together like he was hiding something. “Look what I caught,” he teased. Instantaneously, all three boys were captivated.

Slowly, he opened his hands just enough for them to see the creature inside. Their eyes widened.

And being the loving mother that I am, I warned them, “Be careful! It’s jumps!”

TheBaldEagle flung the spider on TheLittlePrince who–by now–was awstruck, somewhat terrified, and stuck in his sister’s exersaucer.

It should surprise no one that he went from somewhat terrified to full-blown banshee shrieking and Irish step-dancing.

Finally, TheBaldEagle felt sorry for him and let him out. Then came the fun of calming him down and showing him it wasn’t real. After touching it, TheLittlePrince decided that it was actually a neat little toy…

…and promptly threw it on his brothers. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

TL;DR: Husband is a jerk. Children starting therapy next week. Created a monster. 

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