The Weekend From…

“You’ve got to blog about this,” my mom said.

Yeah, you know it’s bad when your own family tells you to blog about it.

Do you remember the sewing machine from…?

Well, I had the weekend from there, too. So, grab a cup of joe or better yet, stick a bag of popcorn in the microwave and pour a glass of soda. Prepare to be entertained.

Here’s a timeline of our weekend:

Benign. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Normal day.

1:30 pm: We meet with our realtor to sign papers. K-girl screams, crawls all over the building, and removes labels from filing cabinets. TheLittlePrince helps.

2:45 pm: I decide to take the kids grocery shopping… solo. TheBaldEagle and I part ways. That lucky jerk.

3:50 pm: We go to Joann Fabric’s. My post-pregnancy bladder has to go. NOW. I run to the bathroom (squeezing legs together) with four kids in tow. TheLittlePrince refuses to go into the family restroom with me. Praise the Lord, TheWiseOne stays with him outside the restroom while I skip inside with K-girl on my hip. I set K-girl down and see that Z-boy has beat me to the toilet. My bladder cries a little.

4 pm: I now have a happy bladder. We go to Aldi’s. TheLittlePrince suddenly decides he’s thirsty and that the world will end if he does not get a drink now. No problem, TheWiseOne offers to share his drink. Alas, three-year-olds cannot be bargained with. TheLittlePrince begins throwing a mega tantrum in the parking lot because he doesn’t want to drink the drink, he wants to hold it and love it and open it randomly throughout the store and pour it on strangers. I do not let him. Cue ultra mega Power-Ranger-style tantrum.

4:05 pm: TheLittlePrince makes screaming snow angels in the middle of Aldi’s.

4:10 pm: TheLittlePrince is suddenly happy as a lark. I have no idea why… but I’ll take it.

4:30 pm: We check out. K-girl is screaming now. I don’t even know.

4:35 pm; I call home and ask the hubby to finish the cupcakes for the church dinner which is at 5. “It’s a box mix. The cupcakes are already baked. All you have to do is mix 3 ingredients and follow the instructions,” I say. He agrees.

4:50 pm: I arrive home. The cupcakes are not done nor have they been touched at all since I left. “Did you forget the cupcakes?” I ask.

“Those were for tonight?” TheBaldEagle replies.

I die a little inside.

5:10 pm: By some miracle, we arrive at the church dinner… late, but with finished cupcakes in tow. I carry K-girl, TheWiseOne follows with the cupcakes, and Z-boy hauls the diaper bag. Boom. I turn around to see Z-boy sprawled on the ground with diapers surrounding him like sprinkles on a cupcake. You can’t make this stuff up.

5:12 pm: We enter the church, eat, and be merry. Z-boy accidentally dumps his whole glass of tea into the diaper bag. Seriously?

5:15 pm: TheWiseOne knocks a metal piece off the table. Once. Twice. Three times. Everyone stares. Shoot me now.

5:20 pm: TheLittlePrince sticks his head under the jug of tea and masterfully begins drinking sweet tea straight from the spigot without ever touching the spigot with his mouth. I’m ashamed and impressed. Help me.

6 pm: We survived! The kids and I head to the van. Boom. I see Z-boy sprawled on the ground with diapers surrounding him like sprinkles on a cupcake… again.

TheWiseOne says, “Didn’t he trip on that same thing earlier?”

“Yes,” I reply.

I am never leaving the house again.


4 thoughts on “The Weekend From…

  1. Hello, I saw your post on Community Pool and thought I would leave a comment. I wouldn’t worry about your kids gtting singled out in a negative light, them seem like a lot of other havoc reeking children. I quite enjoy the desing of your writing, it’s different and that catches the eye. I would cut back on the cliches (such as a meme, leave that for facebook) and perhaps add a bit more spice or pizzaz to the writing. I see a lot of humour dying to come out of you and it’s being blocked by the simplicity of your writing. Don’t take that as a negative either, your simplicity works beautifully for you but I can seeyou have more in you. Keep at it and it will find it’s way out. 🙂


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