She’s Gonna Crap Her Pants, Isn’t She?

Timing is everything.

For example, I finally have the timing worked out perfectly for picking up TheLittlePrince from preschool. I know down-to-the-minute what time I need to start getting K-girl ready and corralled into the van in order to get to the preschool just in time to pick up TheLittlePrince.

That may sound trivial to you, but in toddler-land, arriving too early and having to wait for anything more than 2 minutes can mean the difference between a peaceful car ride…

…and utter toddler tantrum, banshee wailing, Barbie-throwing Hell.

Today’s pick up routine started perfectly.

***Cue ominous music. Dun dun DUN!***

Anyone with kids knows that even the best laid plans can go awry.

And mine did. It’s my fault really. I messed with the routine. I messed with the balance of the universe. I dared to look into the face of the Heavens and say, “Try me!”

Well, actually, I just ran upstairs to change my shoes.

But that’s when it happened. That’s when my toddler said, “Challenge accepted.”

Okay, that’s not true either. K-girl’s exact words were, “I pooped!”

So, yeah, that sucks when your kid poops at the last minute when you’re trying to get out the door. You guys get it. The real problem is…

…K-girl is potty trained. And there was a suspicious lump sticking out from the back of her perfectly formed toddler-tushy. And then she was looking at me with this expression that said, “I pooped! Good for me! Hmm, Mom doesn’t look super excited, though. I wonder why–ohhhh, yeeeeaaah! I’m supposed to be using the potty now! Ha ha! I always forget! My bad! Oh crap, mom looks like she’s about to crap her pants! I know, I’ll act like it was an accident and then she’ll feel so bad and tell me it’s okay because accidents happen… Right???”

***Cue crying toddler wailing, “Ewwww!”***

You can probably imagine my expression of motherly frustration. After all, they say girls are easier to potty train. I’ve already paid my dues with 3 boys! K-girl is supposed to make this easy for me! I trusted her!


But then fate looks down on me and smiles, and by some miracle, I actually arrive at preschool on time! Sweet!

I was, however, late picking up the boys from school, but that’s a whole other blog post.



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